A Lesson in Composure or...Was He Rotating Her Tires?

My beautiful bride told me I could tell this story, so before she changes her mind….I am going to get it out there!  This starts after one of her visits with the oncological surgeon, that doctor had sent us to another for the radiation consult (at MD Anderson).  He was very good and gave a scared couple a lot of reassurances, told us he would treat her just as if he were treating his mother or sister.  He said he had a very high success rate with radiating breast cancer.

The doctors at MD Anderson are very thorough and I noticed a patient basically loses all sense of modesty.  Every nurse, physician’s assistant and doctor that came in got to cop a feel!  My Queen joked that she has never gotten so much action in her life!  I am confused as to whether I should feel  insulted or not!

The radiation doc’s office was also very thorough.  The crew came in and everyone had a turn checking the lump.  The doctor, we’ll call him Dr. G, came in to check her out.  He started explaining how they were planning on doing the radiation.  He was excited because she was a large breasted woman….not what you think!  Let me say that right now!  He was explaining that they would be able to use a certain kind of table that would protect the Queen from a lot of the radiation.  The table in question had a trap door that would allow just her breast to fall through and really cut down on the area exposed to the radiation.  Now that I have the technical stuff out of the way, let me explain what the doc was doing during this discourse on what he was going to do.

Once he got done with the initial examine, he had her get up on the table “doggy style”.  This was extremely funny to me, so I knew I couldn’t look at her.  BUT, while I was trying to keep my composure and treat the situation with the dignity it deserved….he pressed a button and she started going up like she was on a lift, getting her tires rotated.  My emotions got the best of me and I started shaking…that’s what I do when I’m trying not to laugh out loud.  He had her about 4 feet off the ground (he was about 6”5”) and he was squatted down beside the table checking out how the “hang” was.  He then called in an assistant and they proceeded to discuss this situation, looking like they were discussing the best set of tires to put on or something! 

Out of the corner of my eye I could see the Queen avoiding looking my direction.  At this point I have leaned forward in my chair and am shaking like a leaf.  I know that the Queen is avoiding looking my direction because she knows she will start giggling….seemingly inappropriate behavior in a cancer doctor’s office!  Unfortunately for her….I can’t stop shaking….although I never laughed out loud!  The doc finally gets done, not really sure if he thought we were crazy or what.  I did tell the Queen that if he did that again, I probably would not be able to hold it together as well as I did!  (not!)

Fast forward a month or so, another appointment with that doctor.  She went through the same routine with everybody feeling her up.   I told the Queen that if he put her back on that table, I would probably fall apart!  In walks the doc and after the initial examine, what does he tell her to do?  Get back up on that table, of course!  I glanced at her and she was grinning like a Cheshire cat!  This causes me to lose it.  I snorted, coughed and spit a little and fell into spasms of silent laughter!  I am avoiding looking toward the Queen as she is doggy style, four feet in the air….trying her best not to look at me!  This all seems highly inappropriate behavior for the reason we were there, but it appears we may be highly inappropriate people!  I did take one tiny little peek at the Queen and she is staring at the wall, trying not to laugh, because this will cause her “affected area” to start shaking (because she is still doggy style!).  Again, it appears we are highly inappropriate people.  All this time, Dr. G is squatting beside her with his assistant looking like they were discussing whether to put the whitewalls in our out!  The Queen fell apart once the doctor left the room…..

I thank the Lord that he made my Queen like he did!  It made a hard time a lot easier because of her sense of humor.  She tends to laugh at serious situations and at that time we surely needed to lighten up just a little!

Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with the songs of joy.  Then it was said among the nations, “The Lord has done great things for them”.  The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy.

Psalms 126:2-3