We had not been married long when my parents moved from Amarillo to Waller. My mom took a job with a wine broker. I did not know there was such a thing, I sorta thought it was one of those fake jobs people put on their tax returns. Ya know, like cowboy or horse trainer; where you might starve to death, but you get the benefit of long hours to make up for the lack of income. BUT, it turned out that being a wine broker is a real thing. Mom said the lady was making $60,000 per year doing this! I got to wondering if it was like being a cattle broker? I’ve always heard that cattle will make you broker, but it appears wine might have a different affect! Anyway, this lady had given my Mom a bottle of $60 wine! Of course, Mom’s not a drinker so she gave it to us, guess we must have looked like drinkers…or maybe my past made her think that I might partake in a drink or two….I just don’t know.
When we got this we thought we might use it on our anniversary that year. It of course sat in the fridge for a couple of months, so it was chilled really well. The night of our anniversary I had gone all in. I rented a hotel room in Houston, at the Motel 6. We ate out and no, we did not go to McDonalds. I think we might have even ate at the Olove Garden, but that has been almost 20 years ago…so that could be wrong. We even went to a movie. Heck we had us a blow out night! I told you there would not be any details other than this…
When we got back to the room at about 9:30 (we stayed out a little late) we decided we would try this wine. Before we left for our night out on the town we had chilled that bottle, in the bathroom sink, with some ice. Heck we were so impressed that it was a sixty dollar bottle of wine, we just know it had to be good! In college I paid five dollars a bottle and it wasn’t bad, so my logic was that this was a sixty dollar bottle! It should be 12 times better! (There’s the educational part of this…12x5=60…see I did learn something in college). The first thing Felicia asked me was, “where’s the corkscrew?” What!?!?! “What’s a corkscrew?” “To take the cork out of the bottle.” Heck, I thought it had a screw on cap. But I was not to be deterred. I whipped out my pocket knife and started whittling on that cork. I got most of it and that part that I couldn’t I just poked it right back down into the bottle. We, of course, did not have any glasses…so we used the plastic cups that the hotel provided and poured us a couple of glasses. Now I am not a halfway sort of person, I took me a big ol gulp.
I am not unseasoned when it comes to drinking alcohol. I went to college and really enjoyed the whole college experience. I have drank some things that will probably take paint off the wall and peel skin off of small animals. But that was the worst tasting stuff I have ever had the chance of drinking. I felt like the inside of my mouth had suddenly shrunk up and I was pretty sure that I could not have gotten a toothe pick in there if I had been driving it with a hammer! Holy cow! How could this devils brew have come from grapes! I grew up in the country and I have siphoned gas that tasted better than this! I swam in irrigation ditches full of muddy, silty water that went down smoother than this vile liquid that was trying to kill me. As I was gagging and coughing I looked over at my bride, through eyes that were now running water like a broken pipe, I was sure she must have been in worse shape than me. After all, I had the most experience in imbibing, but there she stood with a little frown on her face. I wasn’t sure if the frown was from the display I was putting on or from that sixty dollar bottle of wine, but she was not showing the ill effects that I was showing! I finally staggered over to the bottle to read the label, I thought maybe there were some special instructions on the bottle that told you how to drink this stuff without all of the ill effect. Heck, I couldn’t even read the label! It was Shatow de Battery Acid, or something like that…it was hard to read with my eyes running as they were.
After I finally forced down a little water and my mouth came back to its normal size, Felicia told me you supposed to sip wine. I asked her if it made it taste better, she said no...not in this case. BUT she said you did not have the performance art that I had been going through!
The lesson I have learned from this is that just because something is pricey, doesn’t mean it’s going to be any good. I also learned yesterday that bread will soakup some of this devils brew!
All of this is pretty comical as it pertains to me, but it made me think about what the wine must have tasted like for Jesus at the end….
“After this, Jesus, knowing that all things were now accomplished, that the Scriptures must be fulfilled, said, “I thirst!” Now a vessel full of sour wine was sitting there; and they filled a sponge with sour wine, put it on hyssop, and put it to His mouth. So when Jesus had received the sour wine, He said, “It is finished!” And bowing His head, He gave up His spirit.
Can you imagine being so thirsty, that you would purposely drink sour wine? Christ suffered for us so that we would be saved from our sins.